The Pros and Cons of Breathing

Home is a place where a person lives, spends much of his/her time and feels generally comfortable with. While a house or other residential dwelling can also be referred to as a home. But, i think the best way to describe home is really a place of refuge and safety, a place where all your worldly problems fade away.

It’s been a really long while since i really felt being at "home".The last time i really felt at "home" was during the Port Dickson Camp Transformation. A friend sent me some pics took during that time, and it brought back alot of memories that have been long forgotten, or sealed tight in a corner of my brain. We were all cramped up in 2 bungalow lots where we would be staying for 4 days 3 nights. A bungalow each for guys and gals.

I was sleeping in the hall with like 7 guys. There was no air-conditioning and there was no beds, but we never complained. Everyday was a day to look forward getting up to. Imagine having to bath,eat, sleep, play games, hangout with close to 80 ppl and you couldn’t care less what the heck is happening outside. The world out there could be having a riot, a war or a nuclear holocaust for all i care. I’am "home" with all my brothers and sisters in Christ, singing joyfully, eating joyfully, playing joyfully and sleeping joyfully in the small little bungalow lot that we share. Even if hardships and problems were to arise, you know you can face them because you are not alone. I was in the organizing team, there wasn’t really much time for me to play or rest, rather, I was busy getting things prepared and done for the campers, but it was still fulfilling. So much better than going to work, hahaha! Lemme rephrase, it’s "INFINITY" ( <–for lack of a better word ) times better than going to work!!!!!

A glimpse of heaven…………..

It’s been a tiring weekend. PD trip just over. It was more play than work but still tiring. Busy with the fellowship night sketch today and the song item for Group Peter this coming weekend. Will be KOed the moment i hit the bed…..

As I prepare to face the world again and all the shit that it’s going to throw at me for the coming week, can’t help but to miss "home". Somehow, i can relate to what Paul wrote in Philippians:-

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.If I’am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me.Yet what shall I choose? I don’t know! I’am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;

Philippians 1:21-23

It’s mooncake festival tonight,

and i’am alone….

walking through the Tuesday Night Lights…

Another week of stress is ahead of me. Although i guess i can persevere through it, still, the thought of having to go throught it day after day, week after week really brings me down. Anyhow, yet again, an old song popped back into my life after a long period of isolating it in one corner of my hard disk. Yet again, the lyrics seem to describe what i feel and what i have been through this week…..

excerpts from Vindicated by Dashboard Confessionals:-

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So, mesmerizing, so hypnotizing,
I am captivated,

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I’m right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself….

Only difference between the lyrics and me is, i’am not cleaning up well……..and i have yet to be vindicated…

I have yet again been made a fool. Been thinking about it a lot, i wonder why i keep getting myself into those kinda situations. In the middle of all that, a friend passed me an old Fall Out Boy album, Take This To Your Grave….there is one song that somehow relates to what i feel, in a way…..

excerpts from:-

The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes

I’m holding out and
I’m holding on to every letter and every word.
I pulled myself out of the day we ever had to meet.
Are you through with me?
So………..

And when it all goes to hell,
will you be able to tell me, sorry with a straight face.
And when it all goes to hell,
will you be able to tell me sorry with a straight face.

I’m all ears and I’m all scars
to hear you tell me
"Boy’s like you try too hard to look not quite as desperate."
I’m hanging on.

I’am left hanging yet again, all that is left is to pick up the pieces of a broken heart and a shattered hope and erasing all memories of it.